On God’s Perfect Divine Design of The Human Body
For several years now, I have been struggling with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which takes form in my mind as a series of powerful intrusive thoughts which make me act a particular way, especially when I think about germs and exposure to germs. I was on medication for a while and I also received some therapy, but none of it has seemed to work. Recently, my husband and I traveled to a city in the US. It had been my first time abroad in a long time and on the first day there, I had an emotional breakdown due to the exposure to a new environment with new contaminants that would be always touching me.
We stayed in a very nice hotel. It was indeed what most people would consider “clean”. However to me – I was laying down on a germ filled hotel bed, I could feel them crawling around me, itching me, especially on my feet where I had been walking barefoot after taking a shower in what I knew in my mind “wasn’t really clean unless I had cleaned it”. I even thought to myself, I wonder if Jeff (husband) would think I’m crazy if I bought my own cleaning products and gave the hotel bathroom a really good scrub. Just to be really sure it was 100% clean. So – I decided to say to my husband. I am genuinely afraid of the germs here, what should I do? Jeff took one look at me and said:
“Babe, your body was designed to fight against all kinds of germs. All over your body you have systems that have been carefully designed to keep you healthy and protect you from any pathogens you meet. Your skin produces oils that trap germs, all your orifices are covered in a special mucus that protect you, your nose has hairs that trap anything airborne, your stomach has a special acid that kills foreign bacteria, not to mention the immune system is perfectly designed to help you fight infections. So- all of this has been carefully designed to protect you. You are going to be ok”
And in an instant, I had completely forgotten that God gave me the tools I need to fight my fear of germs. I started to cry because it was as if God himself had said to me… ”Remember I have already thought of everything, why do you worry? Why do you fear?” I felt silly of a sudden. While I know that I will always be attentive to “being clean” because in my mind I will never just succumb to “being dirty” I can at least ease the sense of fear in my mind by trusting that God has designed my body to protect me.
I know this all might sound so silly to some, but if you struggle with OCD cleaning and washing and the fear of germs, I hope you know that you don’t have to be afraid. You can be aware and you can balance the amount of cleaning that you do. But you never have to fear, because the one who holds the power over life and death has already thought of everything and you are going to be ok.
Humbly,
M.
August 2023
On Letting Go and Waiting on The Lord
Recently I sold the business I had started in my home town. It is a beautiful little ice cream shop that I called “Wonderland”. I named it so because I wanted to instill Wonder in the hearts and minds of my customers with the fantastical creations we have invented. If you can dream it, you can pretty much have it at Wonderland. We have all kinds of things made with cotton candy, chocolate, ice cream, cookies, sprinkles, you name it. It is indeed a wonderful place and my community has really become fond of it.
After three amazing years, I decided to sell it because I felt a calling into a more quiet and simple life for now. Running my own business has been quite the undertaking and my body and soul have been getting tired lately. It has been a powerful life giving business to anyone who has been involved, from the staff to our customers, they have all experienced the magic and imagination in a special way. Our little town has been really blessed with it and all the glory belongs to God who is my real inspiration.
Even though I know it has been the right decision to move ahead with other things in my life, I have been mourning the transfer of power to another person, who might not do things quite the same way I did, but am hopeful that they will try their very best and honour the brand I started. I am blessing them in every way I can. I am also trusting that God will continue to provide the right people to run the place. People who share the same kind of childlike wonder…
It has been interesting to see/hear people’s reactions when I tell them I have sold the place. Most of them respond with shock in their face and ask “well what are you going to do now?!”. The answer to that is I am going to focus on my self, my health, my body, and my family for now. I am waiting on the next big idea. But I am not about to force anything into being. I will wait on God. He will show me the way. As long as I honour him to the best of my ability, things will work out.
In the meantime, I am trying to surround myself with people who will benefit my state of mind. I am sharing love with people as always and if I see you at the grocery store I will be happy to share a smile. I want to thank everyone who has followed me on this journey and I want to ask that you do not give up on Wonderland. Just because I am not there anymore, doesn’t mean I am not there. My heart is always there, my ideas are there and I hope you can continue to enjoy the Wonder that it brings for years to come.
Humbly,
M.
December 2023
On My Abuelita Dani
I recently “lost” my grandmother of 98 years. Her name was Danitza Zapkovitch. She was an absolutely amazing person who played a huge part in my life. She was the creator of a game we called “Madame Trini” which we used to play whenever I would visit her apartment in Santiago, Chile. She lived on the 20th floor and I remember her little apartment as a very special place. It was full of her beautiful but old fashioned decor, many plants, a glass display cabinet of porcelain dolls, some display plates and a very fuzzy mustard coloured couch that was very smooth to the touch.
The game “Madame Trini” consisted of my grandmother, sitting at her dining room table, awaiting the arrival of her adventurous friend named Madame Trini. She was a french aristocratic lady who would always arrive from a different part of the world, bearing exotic gifts and experiences to share. I was her. Only about 5 or 6 years old and I never got tired of this game.
Of course, I would use my grandmothers fancy clothes to play the part – and let me tell you that woman’s closet was a dream. She had at least 20-30 pairs of different kinds of high heeled shoes. Many jewelry boxes of the most exotic pieces. Amazing coats, furs, you name it. Purses…too many to count. And of course a beautiful collection of makeup, perfumes and creams. The most wonderful thing was that my grandmother wasn’t rich by any means, she worked very hard for what she had and would acquire these beautiful things visiting second hand shops, little boutiques, and many times they were gifts from people she knew.
I loved playing Madame Trini, she became a very important part of my identity as a child and I think even now, as a 33 year old, people could describe me as a version of her. “So where have you just come from Madame, tell me” she would say. And I would say whatever country that popped into my mind. “Egypt, can you imagine Dani” and I would simply stare and wait for her response. With her mouth wide open she would take a deep breath, acting amazed she would reply “Wow! And did you dance with a real life mummy?!” and we would just laugh together sometimes until we peed ourselves.
She always saw the “funny” in situations and tried to bring them to life. What a beautiful legacy I was given.
At the beginning of me writing this, I wrote: I recently “lost” – quote, unquote – my grandmother. This is because I truly do not see her as being lost. She is not lost to me. She lives with me. In my blood, in the way I view life.
I will never forget our game Madame Trini. The adventures we made up together, the imagination that she allowed me to unleash. The wonder she instilled in those very moments where we could be anyone, coming from anywhere.
Now she is on the most beautiful adventure of all. Eternity. And I can’t wait to hear all about it when I see her again.
Thank you Abuelita,
Te amo,
Trinito.
Aka. your friend, Madame Trini.
January 2024